I'm a Poet and I Know It
|An exclusive sneak peak into the exciting mind of a quiet person.|
This is a confession: I didn’t really want to go to your birthday party.
I know that the summer sun treats you well but short sleeves and I don’t usually like each other and besides you’re always the most important person at every event and always talking to a million other people besides me and I just have to stand there and force a smile while patiently waiting the appropriate amount of time before I can make an excuse and leave so instead of being as pumped up as you were I kind of just sighed and steeled myself for another loud and awkward night
but it turned out to be pretty quiet and you and I got nicely tipsy without anyone trying to get us to chug things and we sat on your swingset and talked about the good times and you leaned your head on my shoulder and said “Thank god you came. I love everyone but they wear me out. You’re my only real friend, you know?” and I think those words got me higher than any drug ever could because I couldn’t stop smiling after.
This is a confession: I think that was the night I started to fall in love.
This is a confession: The times when I turned you down and told you I was too tired to go to the movies were usually because I’d been up all night trying to figure out what the fuck was going on in my heart because more and more often I’d find myself stuck on the idea of you as if you were a thorn except the pain was kind of good but at the same time laced with guilt I mean you were my friend and if this was just some dumb crush I could get over it and it wouldn’t even effect what we had but god forbid it got bigger inside of my chest because if it did then I was really in for trouble since that meant I could actually mess things up between us so yes every time you asked me “do you wanna hang today” the answer was always “absolutely” but half the time I had to be like “no say no give yourself time to get over this” it never really worked but I felt like a better friend.
This is a confession: I drop everything I’m supposed to hold onto tight but for some reason no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t lose my grip on you.
By the time we’d spent a year just being best friends I had figured out that maybe I just felt deeper about you than anyone else only because you were the sun to me, you were the reason that I’d be happy, you were what I was looking forwards to no matter what else I had that day so I just assumed maybe that’s what close friends do but
one day you left on vacation and for a solid two weeks I didn’t hear from you because neither of us could afford the roaming charges and those two weeks basically defined everything for me because I’d missed people before but this was nothing like that, this was as if I was missing my other half and when you came back the first and only thing I wanted was to kiss you like crazy and while we were hugging I realized just how fucked I was because my only thought was to say “I missed you, my love” and good god but in that moment did I wish we were something more than just being good friends and
This is a confession: I don’t hug you anymore because I think it’s unfair to you because it means so much more to me. I don’t jokingly say “I love you babe” because I’m afraid my voice will crack and when the words hit the air they will ring with truth. I don’t say stuff like “honey” or “sweetheart” or “darling” around you because you’ve always been able to read me like a book and maybe one of these pet names will actually show you what you mean to me.
This is a confession: I didn’t even want to go to your birthday party. I didn’t want to fall in love with you. I didn’t want to fuck this up because it’s the most important thing in my life and when I inevitably ruin it with my stupid heart and stupid crush and stupid need for you, it’s gonna break me. And last night when we were both drunk and laughing and you were lying beside me I was so close to telling you the truth that I started shaking and when later you whispered “confess something” I almost snapped like a twig into tiny pieces and instead just started laughing and made up something like “I failed my last test” but
This is my confession: I’m never gonna tell you any of this."